Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Excerpt from "Chaste Honeymoon"

Lewis woke on the couch.

He rubbed his eyes and squinted at the clock. “Two in the morning!” He stumbled to the bedroom, but the bed was still made. Panic welled up in his gut. Elizabeth never stayed out late. But the Femtopia Tourist Office promised, “The safest girls night out in the Galaxy.” Nothing bad could happen to here, or in any other of the different states of Vesta.

A familiar snorting giggle drifted up from the courtyard.

Lewis exhaled. That was what woke him. He hurried to the kitchen to get the antique coffee machine going. He scalded himself a couple of times, but managed to produce a mug of latte that he hoped his wife would approve of. He brought it back through to the living room and placed it neatly on a coaster. If he could get her onto the couch, he could go down on her, and then she might let him come.

Down in the courtyard, Elizabeth was deep in conversation. The other voice was deeper but feminine.

Lewis waited, watching the milk go flat.

At last, he stood up. “I’m not a damned slave.” He marched out to the balcony and lent over to look down into the courtyard garden they shared with the other apartments.

His wife was sprawled on double-lounger next to a woman with bobbed black hair – Tallulah. Lewis opened his mouth, then remembered how casually the woman had given him a demerit.

“I think I can see our home star,” said Elizabeth.

“So,” drawled Tallulah. “How do you like your new home?”

Elizabeth giggled and crossed her legs. “It’s a bit… wild.”

Tallulah twisted and propped herself up on one elbow. Lewis saw that the back of her mini dress was just a web of strings. “It’s supposed to be wild.”

“Lewis made it sound like a Feminist Utopia.”

Tallulah laughed. “It is. But I think the men expect something kinkier.”


On the balcony, Lewis blushed.

“You know,” continued Tallulah. “Whips and chains. Women in charge.”

Elizabeth shook her head. “No. Lewis isn’t like that.”

“Really. Who’s idea was this?”

There was a long silence. Then Elizabeth said, “So you think all this excites him?”

“You’ll have to ask him yourself.” Tallulah lent over and kissed Elizabeth on the lips. “You excite me.”

Elizabeth sat bolt upright. “Gosh.” She gave a snorting laugh. “I… I haven’t done this since girl’s school. I… I thought you fancied Christina.”

“She’s more your type. I just used her as bait to get you out for the night.”

“Type? I don’t have a type. I mean, she is gorgeous, but I’m str—“

Tallulah turned her head and kissed her.

Elizabeth made a throaty mewling sound. She put her hands around the other woman’s head and clamped her close.

Tallulah reached behind herself and worked a lever. The recliner straightened out into a bed. She eased Lewis’s wife down to lie on her back. She brushed aside her long blonde hair and nibbled her ear. “Can you still see your home star?”

“I’m not sure any more.” Elizabeth caressed the other woman’s bare back between the strings. “You have such smooth skin.”

“Regular massages from my mute.” Tallulah stroked the inside of Elizabeth’s knee. The hand crept up under the hem of her summer frock.

“You have a mute?”

“You have panties on.”

Elizabeth giggled. She caught the other woman’s wrist. “I thought you didn’t like men.”

“Can’t stand them,” said Tallulah. She lent over and kissed Elizabeth’s throat. “But mutes don’t count. They might as well be an android. Mine doesn’t even have a name.”

“You’re terrible.” Elizabeth released her grip and slid her hand up the outside of Tallulah’s dress. “You’re not wearing underwear.”

“I like to stay cool.”

“I think I’m overheating,” said Elizabeth, with a dirty snort.

“I can fix that,” said Tallulah. She knelt up, reached under the dress and tugged.

Elizabeth rolled back and drew in her knees, and Lewis glimpsed the dark blonde bush between her honey-colored thighs.

Tallulah threw the undies over her shoulder. “You won’t need these again.”

Elizabeth raised her head. “I will when I go home. They were expensive.”

Tallulah shuffled over to kneel between Elizabeth’s legs. “Well, get your Louie to find them in the morning.”

“It’s Lewis…” Elizabeth started to sit up. “He’s waiting for me. And I happen to be married to him.”

Tallulah laughed. “He shouldn’t have persuaded you to come to Vesta, should he?”

Another snorting laugh. “Probably not.” Elizabeth lay down and opened her legs. “Do you worst, you evil predatory lesbian.”

Tallulah lowered her head. “Mmmmm.”

Lewis’s mouth went dry and he felt sick. He was about to lose Elizabeth to another woman and…

Elizabeth groaned. “It’s been so long… you’re hitting just the… Oh gosh!”

A rhythmic squelching sound reached Lewis’s ears and seemed to echo inside his chastity cup. The world spun and he clung to the balcony railing…

…and still Tallulah lapped at his wife’s groin.

Elizabeth drew in her legs. The heels of her sandals scraped the padded surface. “Don’t stop!” She hunched forward, caught the back of Tallulah’s head, and crushed her into her groin. “Yes! Oh golly gosh! Yes!” Then she flopped back. “Wow.”

Tallulah rose up on her knees and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “It takes a woman to know, no matter how well you train a male… Speaking of which…” She cocked a leg over Elizabeth’s and shuffled forward so that their groins were pressed together. “It’s my turn.”

Elizabeth half sat up. “Oh.” She shook her head. “No. I’ve never done that. Really, I’d like to… but… I don’t know…”

“It’s OK. Come up to my place. I’ve got toys.”

Elizabeth dragged her legs free and swung off the lounger. “Next time perhaps. I’ve need to go to bed.” She turned and ran towards the steps.

Tallulah watched her go, shrugged and set off for the steps on the other side of the courtyard.

Elizabeth’s heels clacked on the stairs.

Lewis hurried back into the apartment and a red haze seemed to settle over him. If the bitch thought she could cheat on him…

The front door opened as he reached it.

“I…” he began.

Elizabeth stood on tiptoe and pushed her tongue into his mouth. It acted like a piston, forcing blood into his penis.


Anonymous said...

Really, really good. The atmospherics are just perfect.

Giles English said...

It's why it takes so long to write, I think. I want Vesta to feel like a real place, but I don't want to put too much detail in.

An Insomniac Night Owl said...

Although its well-written, and interesting, I'm not sure this was the best scene to flesh out as a short story - at least for the purposes of this blog. Its heavy on the lesbian sex, and weak on the chastity/denial aspect - and while that may be the point of Vesta, its probably not what most people would turn to a CB novel/site for.

Personally, I think it would be more interesting to see some of the other scenes this short story hints at (or promises). For example, one where we see Tallulah demonstrate (either on Lewis or her mute) the functions of the alien tech - showing how to put Lewis in mute mode, attach a dildo to his cup, etc. - teaching Elizabeth how to get the maximum pleasure out of Lewis.

Or perhaps to have Tallulah take Elizabeth (and maybe Lewis) on a tour of the night life. Elizabeth/Lewis's reaction to the lick boxes (or a public whipping) would be . . . very interesting. There might also be something useful along the lines of having the mute give oral sex lessons to Lewis, or to have Tallulah try and convince Elziabeth to get a mute of her own.

A shift in perspective might help with this story, too. Spending a good bit of time on Lewis, as he twists and turns, trying not to think about how horny he is, while waiting for Elizabeth to get back, might be helpful

Giles English said...

Thanks INO! I take your point about including more CB material - lets see him squirm!

However, Chaste Honeymoon is going to be a novel, so there's space for scenes like this as long as they move the story along. This one sets up Lewis confronting Elizabeth, who is in defensive mode and mutes him, then makes him shag her using the prosthetic, so that should push two of the buttons you mention.

I am a little scared of writing a female point of view, btu if I get to the end of the story and it needs it, I shall do so.


An Insomniac Night Owl said...

So is Tallulah just a neighbor, or does she have a more formal role? Part of the welcome committee, or other outreach group?

I've been thinking about it, and it seems like you need some sort of artificial family structure - at least on the female side. Something to introduce female newcomers to the social norms & mores of their colony, and provide social support to women who are isolated from their families - and may not be used to having such a dominant social role (or sexual control over a male). Otherwise, you risk them becoming isolated, becoming overly reliant on their males, or forming highly insular immigrant communities (which may miss the point of Vesta).

Given New Athens' strong academic feel, sororities might be a good choice for that colony/nation. Like Earth sororities, they'd probably compete for choice incoming female recruits, providing opportunities to re-socialize them to Minervan norms, and so on.

Femtopia is a bit more complex. One possibility might be female-only (quasi-)secret societies, similare to the Masons, or the Odd Fellows. Given its history, though, competing (old school) political parties/machines (originating in the differing views of males) might make more sense. They could provide connections, host social events, and (again) re-socialize newcomers to Vestan norms - and since they can't just breed new members (no kids) they'd have to compete to recruit newcomers to maintain their political/economic power. Heck, that could be how Amazonia or Neutralia got started - political machines that recruited enough members to spin off as their own societies.

Of course, these surrogate families would undoubtedly have agendas and traditions totally unrelated to their treatment of males (lower taxes, religious revival, winning the national sports competitions . . .). However, having such organizations would help institutionalize the sexual dynamic of Vesta (rather than just making it a game or half-serious tradition). And it could provide some interesting jumping off points as Elizabeth (or other female) is courted by each - particularly if each has some good and bad points (from the male perspective).

I think you also need to develop some cultural elements/entertainment (such as tv shows). A tv show demagogue arguing that all males should be reduced to outright slaves, locked in mute mode - and that only lesbian relationships are valid. Or a "Home & Garden" style channel, with shows on how to sexually tease a male to get the most work out of him - or the latest punishment techniques. And - since there aren't any children - imagine Lewis's discomfort watching (very) adult game shows

Giles English said...

Night Owl: Your second post appeared in my notifications, but not on the comments!

Femtopia strives for an atmosphere of normality. It's not about the males, so you don't get workshops on T&D, or political parties trying to lower the status of men (not least because the volunteers would dry up).

Realism aside, the normality is part of the setting's intended erotic punch. Being cornered by a crowd of drunk girls out clubbing is so much more erotic if they are not remotely fetishy.

The atmosphere I'm striving for is a combination of Spring Break and just about any warm back packing location you've ever been to...

An Insomniac Night Owl said...

Thanks for taking the time to address my phantom comment - I appreciate the effort.

I understand the general feel you're going for - and with a perpetual stream of newcomers (and lack of indigenous populace), it makes sense to have lots of rookies experimenting with chastity (and light fem domme) for the first time. However, for long term residents, I don't see how you plausibly build a society that isn't heavily influenced by the mandatory male chastity devices.

For example, I don't see how you can avoid having women's magazines (and romantic self-help books) address male chastity. If modern magazines have articles like "Ten ways to make your man scream in bed", "Seven moves you have to try tonight", and "How to bag the man of your dreams", it only makes sense that the Femtopian edition of Cosmo would run articles on "From free neuter to kept man: nine ways to land the hunk of your dreams" and "Six ways to keep your bondsman loyal (and horny)". And I don't see that this would scare off tourists - I mean, right now one of the most popular romantic self-help books is Why Men Love Bitches. . . and let's not forget The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex.

Similarily, if keeping bondsmen, neuters, and mutes is more than just a sex game - and its actually commercially viable - you're going to have business magazines and books addressing the best way to manage them, convince them to extend their contracts, keep them motivated . . . and if people are going to buy/read books on how to convince people facing foreclosure to sell cheap, they're gonna read books on how to keep the males in bondage.

Now, with its "gender is a social construct" ethos, I could see the Minervan equivalents being tamer ot - in some cases - nonexistent (since they can't own male contracts). But in Femtopia - settled by a mix of romantics desiring longterm relationships, and women wanting to use the chastity to milk all they can (work & female orgasms) out of the males - I don't see how you avoid it. And sooner or later, that's gonna trickle into the politics and entertainment - although neither might mean much to tourists (I mean, who watches CSPAN, or peruses corporate financial disclosures, while on vacation?)

And - to be honest - I don't think you want entirely normal relationships in Femtopia. Think about it - you've included a night club where the women can sexually tease bondsmen while waiting in line, where bondage equipment is readily available in student housing, and tourists can engage in lesbian sex in common areas. In light of that, the vaguely 1950s-ish dinner-and-a-movie (and no sex until marriage) style courtship seems very out of place.

That's not to say that Femtopia should (or needs to be) an institutionalized orgy, or that the women should be walking around in dominatrix gear, leading naked males around like dogs. But it is a society that allows contractual bondage, and is explicitly organized around sexual lines - women rule, and their authority is enforced by their control of the male populace's genitalia. And that's going to trickle out into society, sooner or later, and in numerous ways.

So you can still have the "Girls Gone Wild" beaches, and lots of people will still settle down into semi-conventional monogamy. And tourists might see nothing kinkier than the night club, and maybe go to a public whipping to "sample local culture" - the way some people will go to a cock fight on vacation (even if they'd be horrified by such a thing at home). But it seems like you also need to adapt the culture to take into account that Femtopian "marriage" is closer to sexual slavery than a partnership of equals, females aren't required to be monogamous, males aren't necessarily allowed to get "divorced" or quit their jobs . . .

An Insomniac Night Owl said...

Again, I'm not arguing that Femtopia should be a whips-and-chains orgy - or that there shouldn't be a lot of couples where the mandatory chastity cup has just introduced a huge twist into their relationship. But it does seem like there should be lobbyists and demagogues arguing for tighter rules (or longer minimum contracts) for males in bondage, men's magazines featuring "10 ways to impress your mistress, and earn an orgasm tonight", and so on.

As for your concern that such features would drive off potential male immigrants, I don't think that would be much of a problem. In "Chaste Honeymoon", you mentioned that a lot of men come expecting an outright BDSM fantasy, and are disappointed - so a political party calling for more stringent control, and fewer rights for males, might actually be a selling point.

And since Femtopia allows male orgasms, something that residents of Minerva and Amazonia are denied, there would likely be a good bit of internal migration. And, if after arriving in Femtopia, the males are free to emmigrate (at the price of a longer contract) if they don't like it, right? Participation is voluntary - its not like slavers are gonna jump then in the streets and drag'em off to be whipped and worked to death

P.S. I still think you need to beef up the female side of the equation a bit. Just because they're the dominant gender on Vesta doesn't mean they're going to behave exactly like contemporary Earth women (or men). And they will need social structures that meet their needs - a way to help them acclimate to Vesta, to offer (moral and/or financial) support when things get bad, and so on

An Insomniac Night Owl said...

My post just now should be a two-parter, but the first part seems to have vanished (again). If you didn't get both halves (in your notifications), I can re-post it

An Insomniac Night Owl said...

Meant to address this a while ago (sorry about the delay):

If you're worried about writing from a female perspective, there's an alternative: write from the male's perspective of what he thinks is the female('s) perspective.

For example, in this excerpt from Chaste Honeymoon, Lewis has a good bit of time by himself, and then later as an observer. During the first part, where he's twisting and turning, too horny to sleep, he could be imagining what Elizabeth is up to. His fevered imaginings could be really outrageous - Elizabeth going for the (orgasm) record at the licking booths, Elizabeth having a threesome with a pair of handsome bondsmen, etc. - complete with "her" internal monologue. Each time, he dismisses the fantasy as something she'd never do - but each fantasy gets him hornier and hornier. And then he hears her and Tallulah . . .

And since these fantasies are 100% Lewis, and what he thinks Elizabeth would be thinking/ experiencing, its not truly a female perspective - its a guy's perspective on what a woman would be thinking in such a situation (which could be completely inaccurate). You could also use such lust-fueled visions to convey Lewis's private fears/fantasies, and foreshadow events to come.

Another option is to have Lewis internally narrate the scene with Elizabeth and Tallulah. You might not get as much mileage with this, though - since Lewis can hear them, there's less for his lust/fear/anger to fill in. And this scene stands fairly well on its own (as-is) right now.

And - if you want to work on writing from a "true" female perspective, you can always use this blog to practice. I'm sure your readership would be thrilled to read your efforts